Greetings again. I have been busy with the holidays, which went very well. Of course the kiddo's made out like bandits. Only, I did not have enough to really make ends meet. I could have merely made do, which sometimes we must all do. I asked for help. This has been a rough year for my kids because of legal issues between mom and me. I prayed for help, and asked the property manager if she knew of any food pantries in the area. She told me about a couple programs she knew of, and I got on the computer and looked them up. I got the numbers, called them, and got signed up. These programs are designed for people who need a little extra help to make it through. 

First, I had to go to the food pantry office, with my bills, social security cards for everyone in the household, drivers (or state ID) license, and all our receipts for the last month. They recorded the amounts I earned and spent, and then created a budget sheet (you can do this on your own to help finances straighten out, more on that later.). 

I asked them about the programs I had heard of, and they had me sign up for them. One was provided by a local church, and they sponsor a certain number of families each Christmas, and their members purchase gifts for them. The other one, from another local church was a gift lottery for families whose income is below poverty level. (go to this website to find out poverty levels: http://www.census.gov/hhes/www/poverty/threshld/thresh07.html )

(We ended up getting, maybe, $125 in gift cards, clothes for everybody, toys for everybody, and books. The amount of gift allowed us to save our money for specific gifts, or bills or food or anything else that we needed.)

The food pantry then sent us next door with a ticket to receive a donation of food. They sent us on our way with bread, milk, chicken, ground beef, vegetables, soups, noodles, rice, peanut butter, jelly, snacks, fruit, and other goodies to last the month. 

There is hope for us when we humble ourselves and ask for help. Some need to wait until it is too late, and everything crumbles around them before asking for help. Some know just when and who to ask for help. Some ask for help when they really don't need it. I say turn an obstacle into an opportunity. Share a part of yourself when asking for help. Make a fair trade. Barter... Do something for your neighbors. Let that good deed laid upon you snowball into something wonderful for everyone in your life.

I am able to go back once a month to the pantry to receive food. They have other programs and job opportunities posted on their walls in the lobby, and they are usually very knowledgeable about ways to receive other realms of help. This is a first step to take when searching for help on the holidays. 

A word of advice, start looking for help at least three months before the holidays. If you have a birthday coming up, again, ask for help early. There are people out there helping with many different things, so ask around, and build yourself a "Help Sheet" for the people, churches, and businesses in your specific area. Write down name of service, number, address, person to talk to, and type of help offered. This will make it easier for you to keep track.

Feel free to comment if you have other suggestions, or questions. I will take the time to answer as many questions as I can. If I have not answered your question yet, I will get to it as I can. Keep checking to see if I have gotten to it yet.

sustainablity

“Sustainability. What a beauty. The Tila2704 link underneath is incredible. All of the sites underneath will give you a new perspective on sustainability, and socio/bio/economic conservation. Alternative fuel and bio systems recycling is the name of the game. A company would have to invest a chunk of money to build this system, but the long term effect of it would enable the company to reduce it's carbon footprint, waste and dependance on foreign oil. What are we doing to ourselves? What if the oil in the Earth is techtonic plate lubrication, no wonder there have been unusually large number of huge earthquakes. We are all complaining that we are paying too much for gasoline, and that terrorists are prevalent in these oil countries. STOP USING GASOLINE AND WE STOP FUNDING TERRORISM!!! They will go broke. We will use the oil companies to make bio diesel and ethanol, at the same time, we will increase the growth of corn, and the green house gasses will be reused to feed the plants in real greenhouses. Byproducts will recycle byproduct which will be recycled by products that have been recycled so that we can continue to recycle these byproducts.”

http://www.storyofstuff.com/index.html

http://www.moreenergy.org/

http://aqua.ucdavis.edu/dbweb/outreach/aqua/TILA2704.PDF

Non custodial father

Nor are things as they are portrayed. When a photographer takes a picture of a person they find the "right" light, look, side, and makeup. What was completely true is now a beautiful lie. Our society has been believing every word of the news they see on TV. Hey, if it's on the news, it's gotta be true. But wait, how many times does a parent explain to their child "What you see on TV is not real"? The news is a franchise, sex sells, violence sells, lies sell. Have you seen these "reality shows"? there is nothing real about them except they ALL get paid.

A father who wants to be in his kids lives is truth. If he is a non-custodial parent, he will most likely be in store for a rough legal battle if things go sour with visitation, and he wants justice - him against the mother, mothers attorney, state, the children's Guardian Ad Litum (GAL), the deputy juvenile officer (DJO), the DJO's attorney, and the children's division. 

The father will sit at a table with his lawyer (if he can afford one), and look over to his right and see two tables with seven people glaring at him. Then theres the judge who is supposed to be impartial, but if mom accuses father of spanking the children too hard, good by children. Mother is granted custody, father is granted monitored visitation at a neutral location, and child support is ordered, counseling, therapy, parenting classes, all to rehabilitate the "dead beat dad" who just wanted to be more in his children's lives.

There are dead beat dads, don't get me wrong, but there are just as many dead beat moms. The children get stuck in these politics and suffer from depression, confusion, low self esteem, suicidal tendencies, early pregnancy, drugs and low grades or drop outs in school.

The children's division benefits from this because each father (even he who is erroneously labeled "dead beat dad") is now a statistic that can be used for increased funding next year, when funding is increased, there are pay raises, when there are pay raises, people at the top can buy another boat. Meanwhile, dad loses everything he worked so hard to get; his check is less, so now he can't afford rent, utilities, food and gas for his car. However, mom is just fine as she cashes that check on a convenient credit card look alike, and pays for a new acrylic set of nails and a $75 haircut before taking the kids to McDonalds so she can chat with her new boyfriend on the cell phone without the kids bothering her.

This is real. There are many people who see a father with his kids that say; "Oh, I wish more fathers were like that!" Most fathers ARE like that. And we're falling through the cracks. A bad apple ruins the whole bushel? What about the rest of the bushel? Tossed out with no concern? 

What are we to do?

Child support and dead beat dads

This really burns my butt. I love this guy! Here is a report from John Stossel of ABC news:

MYTH: Divorce hurts women much more than men, and many men abandon their kids.

TRUTH: Both men and women suffer after divorce, and lots of men want to give more to their kids.

The media (including the men, for psychological reasons involving guilt or other factors best left to Dr. Phil), see men as inviting, politically correct targets. When experts start trumpeting statistics that add up to "men are bad," reporters listen. For years, I heard bad things about deadbeat dads. They were living it up, while their ex-wives and children had to scrape by. It's a recurring story, and the media regurgitates it regularly. It's also group slander.

In 1985, Lenore Weitzman, then a sociologist at Harvard, published data showing that men prosper after divorce, while women and children suffer terribly.

Weitzman's report was appalling: Men's standard of living rose 42 percent after divorce, while women's declined by 73 percent. The media couldn't get enough of this exciting news. Those figures were cited not only in news stories, but in 348 social science articles, 250 law review articles, and 24 appeals court cases. Around that time, government officials also reported that Census data showed that about half of the divorced fathers in America didn't pay child support they owed. The evening newscasts and the papers featured both claims uncritically. The stories fit comfortably into the media's "save the victim" rut. But get the shovel: The stories didn't deserve the airtime or the headlines. A little reportorial digging would have burst the sanctimonious bubble.

Digging was finally done, but not by the media. Arizona State University psychologist Sanford Braver set out initially to examine the reasons for the shocking data. Why were those divorced fathers acting so irresponsibly? How could a dad abandon his child?

Braver was surprised to discover that the Weitzman figures were wrong, the result of a mathematical error. Weitzman later admitted she was wrong. She said a computer analyst had made a mistake-a mistake, in this case, heard around the world.

Braver conducted his own study of four hundred divorces, the biggest federally funded study ever done on divorced dads. His findings turned conventional wisdom, and all those media stories, on their heads. The 42 percent better for men, 73 percent worse for women data wasn't even close. "Our results," he said, "show that men and women come out almost exactly equally."

Braver then found that the Census data about deadbeat dads was way off too. The data came from questions asked of the custodial parent only. The custodial parent was almost always the mother. "Everything we knew about non-custodial fathers" in the Census report, Braver told me, "we knew from custodial mothers." Did some of the angry ex-wives lie? Probably, but we don't know, because the Census workers didn't bother to ask the fathers!

After my conversation with Braver, I went to Washington to meet with Dan Weinberg, the man who headed up that data collection for the Census Bureau. As often happens to me in Washington, I felt I was in another world:

STOSSEL So the Census worker says, how much in child support payments were you supposed to receive this year? And the woman remembers . . .

DAN WEINBERG Yes.

STOSSEL I just have a hard time believing that these people, many of whom are angry, are going to give honest answers.

DAN WEINBERG Actually-well, the anger may help them remember what they're supposed to receive.

STOSSEL Why not go to the man and ask, is it true?

DAN WEINBERG We would be violating the confidentiality of the custodial mother.

STOSSEL Is there any cross-check?

DAN WEINBERG No. We don't check any of it.

STOSSEL But wouldn't they lie just because they're mad at the man?

DAN WEINBERG People are basically honest.

The spirit of George Washington's cherry tree lives on along the Potomac. I too cannot tell a lie: The media both distort and oversimplify the issues of custody and child support. That reinforces the myth that many divorced dads never bother to see their children-the "runaway dads" so beloved by headline writers. Some men are every bit as despicable as the media portray them, but Braver's study showed that the majority of divorced dads do try to see their kids. In many cases, "fathers were impeded in their efforts," Braver told me. "The mother just simply said, 'No, you can't see your kid.'"

We videotaped one such heartbreaking scene. A divorced father went to see his five kids for what he thought would be a full-day visit. He was entitled to that, under a court order, and the court also ordered the mother not to discourage the children from spending time with their father. But she clearly had poisoned his children's minds against him. The father stood just outside his ex-wife's house and begged his children, "Would you like to go out with me today?" "No," said one kid after another. Then the mother ordered the kids back into her house.

What comes through on the tape is the unbridled satisfaction of the mother and the helplessness of the father. But that's not the picture you get from the media. The media automatically cast divorced parents in the roles of villainous father and heroic mother. Many mothers are heroic, but so are many fathers. But a divorced mother as the villain? Heaven forbid! That would stand the world of media victimology on its head.

Spanking your child

How to Include Spanking in Child Discipline

This article does not intend to either promote or discourage spanking, but rather is intended to give parents correct instruction on using non-abusive spanking in discipline.

Spanking is a much-debated topic. Most child psychologists do not recommend spanking as a discipline method for children. However, other psychologists and many parents will tell you that a spanking given with fairness, love and care is an effective discipline technique. The decision as to the usefulness of spanking is best made by a child's parents.

It is gravely unfortunate that, there are many children who are abused under the guise of spanking, and this article is an attempt to inform parents in a way that would prevent abuse.

Steps

1. Give your children clear boundaries. Knowing exactly what they can and cannot do is the foundation of happy and successful children that are honest and respectful of their parents, other adults and themselves.
2. Learn which behaviors deserve a spanking: This includes lying and open disobedience. You must be fair with children. Spilling things, nose-picking, bed-wetting, arguing, even stealing are normal childhood behaviors that, while they may require action on the part of the parent to help a child mature, they are not spanking offenses. You must let toddlers, children, teens and young adults make mistakes and have normal childhood behavior that is age appropriate without making them miserable about it.
3. Never harm your child. Any spanking should be meant to get their attention and establish your authority. Never spank them hard enough that they are going to feel it later. Always spank the child only on the child’s clothed bottom and only with your open hand.
4. Cool off first. If you are angry, do not attempt to give your child a spanking. Tell them you need to think about this for a while and let yourself cool off and then re-evaluate the situation.
5. Do not hit your child with implements or objects. Using belts, switches, spoons, paddles or worse on your child will never build the kind of respect and love that a properly administered spanking will. Only use your open hand on the child's clothed bottom.
6. Know when to enforce discipline with spanking. Once children are old enough to understand "no," they are old enough for a spanking. This could occur as early as approximately 18 months, but varies by child. Be mindful that the force and amount of spanks should be reduced (i.e. a quick pat on the bottom) for very small children but the framework should be similar. If properly used, once a child has reached the age of 6 or 7, spanking will hopefully never be necessary again. On the other hand, if you have never spanked and a child is already 9 or 10, it is probably too late to begin once the patterns of parenting have been so firmly established.
7. Do not spank too frequently! Again, spanking should be reserved only for the lying and open disobedience, and NOT used whenever one feels annoyed. If you do it all the time, it will lose any effectiveness that it might have and is just plain mean.
8. Give them one warning. If you think that you were not clear the first time, you might have to clarify, but do not give warning after warning and expect any child to be compliant. They will always know that they can push and push and have their way once you give up. The child must clearly understand that there will be one warning and that’s it. If you do this, they will obey after one warning, if you give them ten warnings, they will probably never take you seriously. But please, you must take great care when disciplining your child, be fair, be clear and make sure that you understand what is going on; you should not turn back once you have declared "you've just earned yourself a spanking".
9. Earn the respect of your child by being fair; you must also convince your children that when they behave in certain negative ways, the discipline will be quick and certain. In this way, they will learn the clear boundaries and seek to not overstep them to earn your trust.
10. Do the following once you have decided that you must spank your child:
    
• Tell them that they are going to be spanked.
• Take them to a neutral area. If in the home, it should be out of sight of the other children. If at a restaurant or store, take them outside or to a corner where there are few onlookers. You never want to embarrass a child in front of siblings or other people any more than necessary for the moment.
• Once in the proper location, carefully explain why they are getting a spanking and precisely the behavior that got them in this inevitable situation. Once the decision is made, do not consider turning back unless you become genuinely convinced that you have misjudged the situation.
• Explain what is going to happen: [i.e. at age 3] "You are going to get 5 swats, and then we are going to talk about it for a minute, then it will be over."
• If possible have the child lay across your lap with their bottom up. Deliver each swat with an open hand only on their clothed bottom and only hard enough that they feel mild discomfort.
• Sit them up at eye level, repeat the explanation, and have them agree that they will not repeat the behavior again. Ask them to apologize.
• Assure them that this is the end of the punishment (however, certain offenses or lack of remorse may require a time of quiet thought) and that you are not going to be angry with them about it.
• Tell them that you love them.

Tips

• Children depend upon structure and routine. This means that all of your discipline- whether or not it includes spanking- should be consistent and as much as possible ritualized. If the punishment for a temper tantrum is an early bedtime, it should stay an early bedtime as long as that remains effective. If the child is given "corner time" after a punishment to consider their actions, that should happen- as much as possible- every time. Whether the decision is when to use spanking as a punishment, how and when to explain their punishment and the reason for it, or whatever, you should be consistent. Structure and ritual are keys for childhood development.
• Parenting can be a frustrating and difficult job, but clear, concise and fair discipline, including lovingly administered spankings will raise a child to be respectful and well behaved and will be a joy for everyone to be around.
• Situational example: Katie and Kelcie are arguing, just bickering about who now gets to play with a toy. This is normal for 8 year olds. When you guide Katie, the older girl to let her sister have the toy for 15 minutes and she flatly refuses to do as you say, it's time for a spanking. She gets one further warning, and then it's spanking time and by 8, she already knows that this will happen and quickly complies without needing a spank after all.
• About lying: Again, your child should clearly understand what a lie is and what it means to lie or steal. Also, the first time and only the first time, there should be a warning. All children try hiding things; they should not be spanked the first time that this normal behavior happens.

Warnings

• Never harm your child; any spanking should be meant to get their attention and establish your authority. Never spank them hard enough that they are going to feel it later. Always spank the child only on the child’s clothed bottom and only with your open hand.
• Do not use implements such as paddles, spoons, belts, switches, etc. It may qualify for charges for child abuse or corporal punishment.
• Never spank someone else's child.
• There are laws that control or prohibit spanking in many countries. (i.e. *Canada, spanking is restricted but not necessarily illegal. As of 2004, it is now illegal in Canada to (1) spank a child under age 24 months, (2) spank a child age 12 or older, (3) spank with any kind of implement such as a belt, switch or paddle - regardless of the age of the child, (4) spank children you are not the parent of, and (5) spank "bare bottom", regardless of the age of the child.
• Never spank or hit a child on other parts of their body (head, face, legs, arms, etc.) These can be very dangerous and may cause injury to your child.

This is an article I found at http://www.wikihow.com/Include-Spanking-in-Child-Discipline